Battle of the Year: Can Sawyer from Lost inspire a generation?

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This article titled “Battle of the Year trailer: can Sawyer from Lost inspire a generation?” was written by Stuart Heritage, for guardian.co.uk on Wednesday 22nd August 2012 15.15 UTC

There is no better time for a sports film to unveil itself to the world than this weird post-Olympic, pre-Paralympic purgatory we’re all in. Films about sport might lack the breathless uncertainty and giddy nation-uniting highs of those real-world events, but they’re undeniably a handy interim substitute.

Which brings us to Battle of the Year. It’s no spoiler to say that Battle of the Year is a film about a team of disparate ne’er-do-wells who pull together in the face of competition, because that tends to be what most sports movies are about. But can Battle of the Year offer anything more? Let’s take a look at its new trailer to find out…

As the Battle of the Year trailer starts, we meet Sawyer from Lost. He’s both a basketball coach and an unstoppable force of nature. There’s nothing that he can’t do, and no way that he’ll ever fall upon hard times and spend his days sitting on a sofa in his vest.

Flash forward a few years and here’s Sawyer from Lost, having fallen upon hard times. He spends his days sitting on a sofa in his vest. But don’t worry, because here’s a well-dressed young man who wants him to coach a new team to glory at a prestigious tournament. Sawyer from Lost will agree, otherwise it’s not really much of a film.

But it won’t be easy, because this is the team that Sawyer will have to coach. They’re an angry, veiny-necked gaggle of troublemakers. One of them is literally Chris Brown, for crying out loud. Sawyer from Lost doesn’t stand a chance.

Sawyer’s first job is to move his team into an abandoned correctional facility, because that was the most painfully symbolic location he could find on such short notice. There, he butts heads with Chris Brown. Chris Brown is presumably annoyed that he’s in a film with the guy from Lost, and Sawyer is presumably annoyed that he’s in a film with Chris Brown. You can see both of their points, really.

Chris Brown continues to be a headache, swaggering around and picking on people much smaller than him. You know, for a change.

But Sawyer teaches the team that they can be glorious if they work together, and bonds begin to form. At one point in this trailer, Chris Brown says that he wants the team to win the tournament “for America”. Heartstrings tug. The mood soars. The team get ready for their big moment at the…

Hang on a minute. What’s going on here? Why is everyone wearing a matching tracksuit? Why are they all standing in a line? What’s with all the catalogue poses? Why does the guy on the right have his hand over his mouth like that? Is he about to be sick? More importantly, is this a dance film?

Oh god, sorry. It is. It is a dance film. It’s not really a sports film at all. Sawyer was hired to coach some dancers to win a dancing competition, and Chris Brown is a dancer, and that guy was covering his mouth because apparently that’s a street thing that dancers do now. Sorry everyone. Battle of the Year is a dance film, just like Step Up 4 and that thing with the boy from Britain’s Got Talent.

Let’s just get through the rest of the trailer as quickly as we can. Look, here they are at the tournament. They’re all doing very well, especially the guy on the right who’s covering his mouth better than he’s ever covered his mouth before, and suddenly I’m gripped by the inexplicable urge to buy a Braun cruZer even though I don’t know what one is. They probably win. The end.

Oh, and Battle of the Year is in 3D, too, as evidenced by this bit at the end where everyone huddles together and shouts something that sounds like but might not actually be “3D” for reasons that genuinely escape me. Hope that helps.

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