In cinematic terms, “reboot” has become a dirty word. People who reboot old movies are seen as hacks; cynical, idea-free megalomaniacs who’d happily stamp all over your childhood memories for a stack of coins. Michael Bay wants to reboot the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because he wishes the turtles were aliens. Tim Hill wants to reboot Short Circuit because he wishes it was a paranoid thriller. Zack Snyder wants to reboot Superman because it’s that or make a sequel to Sucker Punch. It can only be a matter of time before someone makes a reboot of The Last Station where Leo Tolstoy raps and has a cheeky pet monkey. Simply put, there is nothing good about a reboot.
Or is there? There had been rumours that Lionsgate was planning to reboot Twilight straight after the release of Breaking Dawn 2, but the studio went out of its way to strenuously deny the claims. Now, Lionsgate might not be rebooting Twilight – or it might be deliberately keeping its plans quiet so that it isn’t bombarded with angry emails from millions of tearful 14-year-old girls – but that doesn’t matter. Looking at it objectively, a Twilight reboot might actually be quite a good idea.
First, and most cynically, the Twilight saga is a bn franchise. Keeping it rolling as long as possible makes good financial sense. But that’s not all. Who knows? It might end up being one of the rare reboots that improves upon the previous incarnation. It’s unlikely, but a Twilight reboot could be up there with Nolan’s Batman or Abrams Star Trek or Marc Webb’s Amazing Spider-Man.
But, most of all, we should welcome a Twilight reboot because it offers the perfect chance to correct everything that’s wrong with the current version. Imagine it: a Twilight where Bella has a functioning personality and isn’t just an empty cipher for a grown woman’s wrongheaded sexual belief system. A Twilight where the male characters exist for reasons other than how good they’ll look on a poster. A Twilight where someone actually questions why a hundred-year-old vampire enjoys hanging around with teenagers so much. A Twilight that tacitly apologises for indirectly bringing Fifty Shades of Grey into the world.
It’d be great. And why stop there? The new Twilight could give Jacob more dexterous thumbs, so that he’d be able to put shirts on properly. It could have a soundtrack that isn’t just a Shine compilation for tweens who own lots of black nail varnish. And, most importantly, it could hire actors who don’t spend their entire lives stroppily clumping around the world giving off the impression that being cast in Twilight is the worst thing that ever happened to them.
Yes, reboots are morally wrong on most levels. Yes, they’re a sign that Hollywood is afraid to take risks. Yes, I probably wouldn’t even watch a rebooted Twilight even if each ticket came with a box of doughnuts. But improving Twilight – making a thoughtful new Twilight saga that hasn’t simply been rushed out to satisfy fan demand – should be seen as a golden opportunity. Chances are it’d still be horrible, but it might be slightly less horrible than the current one. And that’s what’s important.
guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010
Seit 1996 bin ich freier Mitarbeiter der Salzgitter-Zeitung, als Experte für das Geschehen im hiesigen Kreisfußball. Daneben sind meine Kolumnen seit 2005 fester Bestandteil im Lokalteil der Salzgitter-Zeitung. Zusammen mit Frau und Tochter sowie zwei gefräßigen wie faulen Stubentigern versuche ich das zu meistern, was das Leben, das Universum und der ganze Rest an Absurditäten für uns bereithalten.